משלי, פרק י״ז, פסוק כ״א

Bringing children into the world is naturally meant to provide parents with support during difficult times and serve as a profound source of joy. However, when a child strays from the proper path, this natural expectation is entirely overturned, and the child becomes the primary source of a father's pain [עמנואל הרומי].

Raising a son who lacks understanding and possesses bad character traits brings a father active, ongoing sadness due to the son's destructive actions. Commentators offer different perspectives on the exact nature of this foolishness. One approach suggests it refers to an originally wise person who corrupted his ways, such as a corrupt judge who accepts bribes; ultimately, his sins will lead to his downfall, turning his father's initial pride into mourning [אלשיך]. Another perspective draws a sharp distinction between someone who acts foolishly out of bad habits and someone who is foolish by nature. A person who simply develops bad habits might cause anger, but there is always hope that he can change. In contrast, a person whose very nature is governed by foolishness, completely blinded by his own desires, leaves his father in absolute sadness without any hope for improvement [מלבי״ם].

The situation shifts slightly when dealing with a different type of troublesome son, one who brings an absence of joy rather than active sorrow. This type of individual is identified in various ways. He might be someone who speaks inappropriately [אבן עזרא] or commits despicable acts [רלב״ג]. Alternatively, he is viewed as a greedy and stingy person, the complete opposite of someone who is generous [מלבי״ם, ביאור שטיינזלץ].

This raises a subtle distinction in the father's emotional response. Why does the first type of son cause deep, active sadness, while the second type simply fails to bring joy? One explanation is that the second type of son is merely a simple, ignorant person. His lack of knowledge prevents him from doing good and making his father happy, but he does not actively cause the kind of harm that creates profound sadness, unlike the actively corrupt son [אלשיך]. Another explanation builds on the idea of the son as a stingy person. Sometimes, a father is stingy himself and teaches this very trait to his son, initially taking pride in his behavior. Therefore, the outcome is that the father will ultimately not find joy in this son, because in his later years, he will realize that what he once thought was a reason for happiness is actually a source of deep sorrow [מלבי״ם].

Ultimately, regardless of the specific path the son takes, the father is left completely helpless in both situations, able to do nothing but sigh at the reality of his child's choices [ביאור שטיינזלץ].