How a person treats themselves and their immediate circle is a direct reflection of their moral character. True kindness often begins inward, while self-neglect or withholding good reveals a deep inner flaw. The primary approach among commentators is that this concept applies to a person's relationship with their own physical body. A truly kind individual ensures their body receives its essential needs, such as proper food and clothing, to maintain good health. This self-compassion forms the very foundation for showing compassion to others. In contrast, a cruel person is one who harms and starves their own body [רלב״ג, מצודת דוד, ביאור שטיינזלץ, עמנואל הרומי]. The motivation behind such self-harm might be extreme stinginess, where the love of money overrides basic physical care [מצודת דוד, אמרי דעת]. Alternatively, it may stem from a misguided religious belief that physical suffering is desirable. However, harming the body directly opposes the will of God, as physical health is necessary for a person to serve Him and develop their mind [רלב״ג]. Therefore, denying oneself basic needs is an act of cruelty; if a person can be cruel to themselves, they will certainly be cruel to others [רלב״ג, מצודת דוד].
Shifting from the physical to the spiritual realm, other commentators view the kind person as one who nurtures their mind and pursues wisdom. Rather than chasing the empty illusions of the world, they strive for spiritual growth [אבן עזרא, עמנואל הרומי, אמרי דעת]. Such an individual performs acts of kindness for others without expecting anything in return. While giving away money might seem like a loss of material resources, it is actually a profound act of kindness to their own soul, which will ultimately be rewarded [מלבי״ם, אלשיך]. On the other hand, the cruel person invests all their energy into worldly pleasures at the expense of their soul [אבן עזרא]. This cruelty extends outward as well; treating others harshly ultimately brings destruction upon one's own physical life, as society will inevitably retaliate in kind [מלבי״ם].
A third perspective focuses on a person's relationship with their close family. Here, kindness is defined by doing good for one's relatives, while cruelty is marked by causing them harm [רש״י]. This dynamic is especially evident in a husband's treatment of his wife. A man is permitted to reduce his own expenses and live modestly to avoid relying on others for financial support. However, forcing his wife to lower her standard of living and live in deprivation is considered an act of cruelty, as he is obligated to provide for her in a manner that respects her dignity [אלשיך].