Following the tragic abduction of Dina, the local ruler approaches her family to negotiate a formal marriage. Instead of addressing the severe crime that has already taken place, the diplomatic appeal focuses entirely on the future, masking a deep violation behind the facade of a routine matchmaking proposal.
Who exactly is being addressed in this negotiation is a matter of debate. Some suggest the ruler speaks to both Jacob and his sons together, addressing them collectively because brothers often view a sister with the protective care of a parent [רד״ק]. Others argue that the ruler intentionally bypasses Jacob, directing his words solely to the younger brothers. He does this out of a shrewd understanding that a father would never agree to exchange his daughter's honor for material promises [רש ר הירש]. The fact that the brothers ultimately take the lead in responding stems from a core principle: in a situation where God's name is desecrated, one does not wait to show formal respect to a parent, but rather acts immediately [ברכת אשר על התורה].
In his proposal, the ruler speaks in his official capacity, seeking to change the local laws that previously prevented marriage and assimilation between citizens and foreigners [מלבי״ם]. However, the primary approach among commentators is that his words are tainted with deep deceit. The perpetrators completely conceal the act of assault, requesting the young woman as a wife as though she had lingered in their home willingly and her dignity remained perfectly intact [העמק דבר, ביאור יש״ר, חומת אנך]. Had their intentions been truly honorable, they would have first returned her to her family, confessed to their crime, begged for forgiveness, and only then proposed marriage [רש ר הירש, ביאור יש״ר].
This blatant disregard for reality is precisely what later justifies the brothers' cunning retaliation. Because the ruler and his son speak deceitfully and treat the situation as if no wrong had been committed, the brothers answer them in the exact same manner, falsely presenting the requirement of circumcision as the sole obstacle to the union [חומת אנך].
From a legal standpoint, the negotiation may carry hidden motives. The ruler might be expressing a willingness to pay the standard legal fines for assault and seduction, but only on the condition that the family agrees to the marriage. Alternatively, he may be using this public declaration to prompt his son to confess independently, taking advantage of a legal loophole where a person who admits to a fine is exempt from actually paying it [אור החיים]. Driving this entire negotiation is a profound, irrational passion. This desire is not ordinary love, but rather a blind longing of the soul [רש״י]. It is an obsession that drives a man of high status to relentlessly pursue a foreign girl, even when logic dictates he could easily find a more suitable match among his own people [מלבי״ם].