בראשית, פרק ל״ד, פסוק ט׳

Following the harm done to Dinah, Hamor attempts to appease Jacob's family by transforming a private offense into a broad political and social alliance. His proposal is designed to merge the two separate groups into a single, closely knit unit [ביאור שטיינזלץ]. Hamor deeply desires this connection because he views Jacob's family as highly distinguished, even more so than the greatest leaders of his own land [ביאור יש״ר]. Recognizing that Jacob's family lives in strict isolation, Hamor offers them a rare opportunity to integrate, become full citizens, and ultimately mix with the surrounding nations [העמק דבר, מלבי״ם].

When Hamor presents his offer to intermarry and join together [רד״ק, ביאור יש״ר], the specific way he frames the request reveals his underlying motives. One approach suggests his language simply exposes him as the eager initiator demanding the treaty [מלבי״ם]. However, another perspective views his phrasing as a calculated act of flattery. Hamor deliberately shapes his words to make Jacob's family appear as the active, dominant force in the alliance, while framing himself and his townsmen as the passive participants following their lead [הכתב והקבלה].

This strategy of flattery continues as Hamor outlines the exchange of daughters. The primary approach among commentators is that Hamor intentionally grants Jacob and his sons the illusion of complete control, allowing them to choose the most beautiful and prominent local women as they see fit. He hopes this offer of power will entice them to accept the match with Dinah. Yet, the manipulative nature of this offer is exposed later. When Hamor eventually presents the same arrangement to his own townsmen to convince them to undergo circumcision, he completely reverses his phrasing. To his own people, he frames the locals as the ones taking the women and holding the power [רשב״ם, הכתב והקבלה, ביאור יש״ר, הדר זקנים].

Beyond political maneuvering, Hamor also has to navigate a deep cultural divide. He understands that the traditions of Jacob's family are entirely different from local practices. To accommodate this, he avoids stating explicitly that they will take the girls as formal wives—a detail he freely shares with his townsmen later. Instead, he proposes a flexible compromise. Jacob's daughters would be given to the local men according to the customs of the land, while Jacob's sons could take the local women according to their own unique traditions. By doing this, Hamor makes the nature of the marriages dependent entirely on the desires of Jacob's sons, acknowledging their authority to establish the customs of their own households [העמק דבר].